Monday, May 23, 2011

Stephen Colbert Pulls to the Front of the Pack in Sailing Regatta – Go Captain Colbert!

Friday Update: As of the 7:00 a.m. update today, Tucana held a 40-mile margin over their rivals on board the other OnDeck Farr 65, Stephen Colbert and his crew on the Spirit of Juno. Tucana seems to be a solid bet to win first-to-finish honors as well as first place in the Racing Division.

Wednesday Update:
With steady southwest winds across this region of the North Atlantic, the competitors in this eighth edition of the Charleston Bermuda Race have been making remarkable progress throughout the afternoon hours yesterday.

As of the 8:00 p.m. position update yesterday evening, the lead boat, Tucana, was 288 miles from Bermuda. Tucana’s closest rivals were Spirit of Juno (with Stephen Colbert on board) and Yanosha. According to the Race Director it’s likely that the first finishers will arrive in Bermuda on Thursday.

Tuesday Update:

As the 11-boat fleet continues to make impressive progress toward Bermuda, two entries have pulled ahead during the wee hours of Sunday night and Monday morning.

Tucana, one of five boats in the race, has led the way since the fleet left Charleston Harbor. As of midnight last night, the boat was sailing in a northeasterly direction at over 10 knots.

But by daybreak, Captain Stephen Colbert and “The Spirit of Juno” crew had come within five miles of the lead vessel.

Go Stephen!

Despite his second-place standing, Colbert, who has vowed to win this race, seemed characteristically jolly based on an e-mail he sent late Sunday night.

Colbert said in his email,

“Dear land-based life forms. Fantastic day. We started with windless bobbing from 4:00 a.m. until 8:00 a.m. We punctuated this inertia by catching, on a hand line, two mahi-mahi, a very beautiful fish-fish! They both were laid to rest in a small Tupperware coffin surrounded by lime juice and chopped onions.

Spent the afternoon dodging wind holes and watching dolphins play in our bow wake. We’ve also been introducing our English crew to the joys of grits. They are dubious, but too polite to admit they tossed it overboard.

We are on four hour watches and lucky to get three hours’ sleep at a time. Those of you familiar with totalitarian regimes will remember that sleep deprivation is one way that dictators break their enemies.

We are in good position thanks to our skipper, Tim Scarisbrick, first mate Bertie Whitley and second mate Chris Miller.

We all smell wonderful.  See you in Bermuda!”

Colbert and his crew have vowed to win the race this year, after a dismal attempt in 2005 where his boat came in last place.

Related: Stephen Colbert admits he pooped in the ocean.

Keep your dial tuned to InfoStar for the latest news and progress of our mighty captain and the U.S.S. Spirit of Juno.

God speed Captain Colbert.

Oh yea, there is a shit-pile of news waiting for you to make funny once you get back to New York.

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